Don't Preach... Just do it unconditionally

We the Parents are the first teachers of a child. The qualities which parents possess and the behaviour of the parents makes greater impact on children more than anything.its true that kids learn from your actions not from your words.

If you feel someone's emotions, if you understand the importance of someone's happiness..... Your children would surely learn to understand this.For example if you love your wife / husband so much,you can't live without her/him,you live your life with his/her memories even if she/he isn't alive....your kids surely would learn to understand the word -- "Love".

If you spoil someone's bestest events,if you spoil someone's happiest days,if you seem not to understand the importance of others happiness....How can you expect the same in return.

Understanding is always a mutual emotion....which can never be preached nor it can be taught....it gets born when love is genuine, it gets born when you feel for others, it gets born when you love unconditionally.

Be it Parents....Be it Children....Be it anyone in this Universe.....love,care,respect and understanding are not something which is demanded or expected or preached..... They are Earned !!!

If we as parents are righteous,loving,caring if we understand the meaning of unconditional love.... its highly unlikely that we don't find respect,love,care and understanding from our kids.

If you don't give time to your kids,if you don't express your love to your kids,if you don't understand them,if you don't support them when they fall, if you don't stop your burdening him with false expectations,if you are never there when they need you...... How can you expect the same in return?

The motto is, "Don't preach.... Just do it unconditionally !!!!"

Handling Sibling Jealousy..... the effective way

Yes,finally I have achieved yet another milestone in my life. I have finally become a mother of two. To have a second child or not is definitely a personal choice but it is ofcourse a tough call. Absolutely not an easy stream to sail through since you already have a bundle of joy before having this another one. Here some tips to bare the thunder breeze effectively.

First come first serve

In the initial days try to seek permission from your elder one for even smaller things such as changing diapers, giving feeds,bathing.I know it sounds crazy but it surely works."Can momma change new baby's diapers,else it'll stink badly"; and the answer would be a "Yes". They usually like it when their agreement is seeked.

Download those silly newborn games

Most of the young ones are quite tablet savvy these days, apart from their regular adventure or role play games do offer them games which attracts their attention towards how to take care of a newbie. It interests them even more since they have actually witnessed your journey with a cute baby bump.

Have an extra budget for the big sister/brother

Seeing a new rattle toy in your sister's hand with an empty hand is so painful and we need to understand this. It's little trickier but you need to handle this. Usually all the visitors who bring gifts for the little one usually forget that there is one more baby out there. And you have to supplement it with a small gift for your elder one. It's an important investment.

Be a Sandwich for sometime

Co - sleeping is so very important in those early months. Momma sleeping with the new baby is a rivalry booster,so it's better if you sleep with both of your bundle of joys on either sides. It's difficult as well as tiring but it assures your elder one that, Yes Momma is mine too.

Equal share of scoldings

Don't refrain from those occasional finicky scoldings,target should be of course the little one.(You need good acting talent) those raised eyebrows, just to prove that momma is always fair."Ira,  why did you spill the milk on the carpet !!".... Soon after you'll hear a cute response, "Mom I never do that".This brings your elder one close to you.

The give away trick

If your elder one is absolutely panic and possessive about you and nothing seems to work.  You can trick him by saying that "Oh dear if you don't like the baby, we'll give her to your cousin Rouni. She wants a baby sister.  You are gonna hear a big "No" there and be happy because it's just the beginning of special bond.

You be with good....You turn better!!

It was a rainy evening and I was returning back after a short trip to Nara (Japan) with my family.My husband works here since seven years and my family had come to visit us.My house is just a few steps away from our metro station.It had started drizzling.As we came out of the metro station's elevator,we saw an old lady was trying to convey us something,here most of the people do not understand English and knowing Japanese is the the primary requirement for communication; which we didn't know, what we understood was that she wanted to offer her umbrella, she was repeatedly pointing at my little daughter.I understood that she was concerned about my baby.I replied, "Its okay... our house is just a few steps away " but she was continuously forcing us to take the umbrella.We conveyed (through actions ofcourse) how would you go and how can we return your umbrella?  She then opened her bag and showed us a spare umbrella.She meant that we dont have to return it.We all were touched feeling that concern from a total stanger.Its so true that, we dont need any language to show that we care.

I moved to Japan with my husband 7 years back.I come from a country which is culturally rich,this gives me immense pride but hailing from a country of 125 crores imbibes me with so much of insecurity and apprehensions .We can be good by nature but to show that we are human is a rare trait.I am proud to say that I have started learning this trait finally after being associated with Japan over the years.

I have plethora of experiences which affected me or made a mark in my heart or may be changed my way of looking at people from simply nodding head on looking at a starnger in a lift or to hold the door for a stranger in a restaurant or not missing a single chance of thanking someone by saying,"Arigato Gozaimashita".It looks simple and usual but are quite uncommon acts in our  homeland where we dont actually give away smiles that easily.We are rather dubious when a complete stranger passes a smile.

I particularly remember one incident, Me and my 2 year old baby girl were returning from hours long shopping in a nearest super market in Bentencho, Osaka ; our home was two stations away; my baby was sleeping in the pram and the pram basket was full of my shopping goodies .The side from where I take the train for My station ( Osakako) didn't have elevator It had an escalator which was going downwards.I understood that I have to carry my little one, but what would I do with the excess baggage and the pram. I was worried and quite lost in my thoughts ; the very moment a station incharge came, he asked me to waite,he too waited for those few commuters who were going down through the escalator then he immediately came near the escalator, put in the keys, changed some settings and made the elevator go upwards.I was simply astonished. He didn't have to do that but he did this.He showed his sensitivity ; he showed that he is human.And that is not all, I used to visit the super markets often that way , so the same heavy pram and shopping bags were usual problems but every time I found some station incharge offering help, if he cant help me with escalator due to rush then he'll surely carry my pram all through the stairs.

I personally feel that when you live around people who who don't expect anything from you but are always there to help you without even asking for it....You actually start acquiring their behaviour.  The clouds of your apprehensions,dubiousness start diminishing and you start loving the new sunshine.

There is not even a single day when I dont hear "Kawai " when I go for a walk with my baby.I remember back in India, even when a mother praise her child, elderly people usually stop us in between saying "Nazar Lag Jayegi".In the same way women are prohibited to wear fitted clothes during pregnancy so that no one sees her baby bump where as here girls purposefully wear such clothes that the cute baby bump is visible. People in Japan immediately leave their seats in Metros and buses for Pregnant women and Senior Citizens.A special ramp is dragged by the bus driver every time any wheel chaired commuter wants to board the public bus.

All these incidents have inspired me to be more human.I too carry a spare umbrella during rainy season, I too offer a hand to hold someone's heavy bag,I never miss a word to appreciate something.I have slowly started believing and appreciating my own race.

I truly believe that if you be with good you turn better.

Being a Sandwich Mom

Yes I have become a Sandwich Mom indeed...mom who not only prepares delicious sandwiches but also a Sandwich her self....sounds funny isn't it.
The day you take the decision of having a second child, become a Sandwich mom......Coming from an indian family my conscience does jot allow me to make my elder one sleep aone in her room.....So we three sleep together.....both my Guinea pigs on my either sides.... And indeed its so very difficult to maintain a balance between these two.you

Regular guilt trips

Yes I go on a regular guilt trip.I am always worried whether I am giving proper attention to my elder one.Aren't I being too harsh on her wheb she doesn't finish her home work on her own.

No room for a wife

When you become a mother...there is usually no room left for a wife...You are a mom and your life is stuck in that role.The expectations from a husband are actually the expectations from a father...So what about the expectations of that husband??

Oh...I used to be a fashionista

When you become a mother of two all your shopping time is usually engaged in choosing those small frilly skirts,t shirts,rompers, diapers etc and then you realize... Oh its too late...dinner time already....You actually start being really happy with your old wardrobe.When you are a mother of two.... Fashion is usually for your little girlies :)

Becoming a mother of two beautiful girls complete my life totally.The new found feeling of jealousy in my elder one slowly turns aside and become possessiveness for her kid sister....and yes I feel a proud mother to have come this far.

Beginning of an era of Fasicm......

After an under qualified controversial Smriti Irani episode....under qualified Pahlaj Nihlani episode....here comes another under qualified and controversial Gajendra Chauhan....... Although Shriman Gajendra has gained such popularity that atleast now we know his real name....If at all he resigns from FTII... He surely can bag a seat in Bigg Boss.

Be it Mrs Irani or Pahlaj Nihlani or this Gajendra the debate is all about...." Did they have better options or not ??  and yes there were many far better,talented and qualified people in the list.....then why this placement? Isn't this another type of favouritism.

If all these guys are so good then why to have criterias of percentage cut offs ,degree requirement,work experience etc when a commoner goes for seeking a job??  Why do schools have compulsory BEd requirement for teacher's post or why do IT companies require an Engineering degree?

The policy makers face no competition to acquire their posts and the citizens face cut throat competition.... Amazing!!!

Are we really running out of talent or this is the beginning of an era of Fasicm in India.....

Sardar ya Sarkar

हम हिन्दुस्तानियों की तकलीफ ही यही रही है....जो ज़रा जोर से चिल्ला दे उसकी बात सही लगने लगती है.....जैसे हर घर में कुछ भड़भड़िये रिश्तेदार होते हैना . .जो अपनी हर चीज़ को उत्तम बताने में लगे रहते है... उनकी बात न मानो तो टूट पड़ते है.... ठीक वैसे ही हाल इस मोदी सरदार उफ्फ्फ  सरकार का हो गया है.....बेहेनजिया देश से गदारी करें... तो ठीक....चुनाव आयोग में गलत हलफनामा दे.... तो भी ठीक....कुल मिला के ज़ोर जोर से भ्रष्टता को उत्तमता साबित करने में लगे है सारे.... और जनता धमकी बैठी है.....४०० साल की गुलामी का असर जो है.......बदलाव उर्फ़ विकास हो रहा है.... जनता को सुनाई देना चाहिए....मगर असलियत में होना नहीं चाहिए.....

भक्त कहते हैं विकास हो रहा है विकास हो रहा है.....उल्टा किसान के मुआवज़े को लेकर हो रहा हल्ला... नेपाल त्रासदी में ढांक दिया गया.....खुद के बच्चे भूखे मर गए.... और पिताजी दुसरो के बच्चों को रोटियां बाँट ते नज़र आये.....श्रीमान प्रधान मंत्री ....मंत्र देते नज़र आये की. . .किसान भाइयों को खेतों की मेड़ो पर फल दार वृक्ष लगाने चाहिए.... वाह जी.... वाह.... क्या उम्दा सुझाव है. ...८० फीसदी किसान बाहुल्य आबादी का PM ....ये तक न जान पाया की मेड पर पेड़ लगवाने से... .फसल ख़राब हो जाती है.....पेड़ो की छाँव के कारन..... पेड़ो की जड़ो के कारन. ....खैर ....दूसरा लाल बहादुर शास्त्री तो अब न मिल सकेगा इस देश को जो स्वयं प्रधान मंत्री आवास पर खेती किया करता था....और बिना दूसरा लाल आये इस किसान बाहुल्य देश का उतथान भी असंभव है.....ऐसे ही चले तो .मंडी न बन पाओगे कभी... .बाजार ही बन के रह जाओगे

Real Sophisticacy!!!

I went to our nearest SBI branch yday....it is actually an Agro - Dev bank......so the whole crowd comprised majority farmers....people with basic or may be dilapidated dress up or may be low class for some of us......I wanted to deposit some amount and it was a huge line in front of the cash counter....people were waiting for an hour....I was a bit confused whether to go back home and come after a while or to finish the job.....finally I decided to stick to the line and finish my job....all the people were men and I was the only girl there......after five minutes.... Few men volunteerily told me," Jiji aap bath jao.... Kaybe khada ide.... Wa saab aaye jab bata diyaanga.... Aap pelam kar leejo kaam aapra"....... (Thats our local rajasthani influenced dialect)..... I never expect that....and I dint believe it too....I was touched to see their sensitivity.....later the clerk came and I was the first to do the job....thanks to all those guys.

On the contrary when I went to an urban office in bhopal earlier.... which had the sophisticated crowd.... No body actually bothered to consider me going first in the queue even after having a 2 months old baby in my lap....I had to fight for that sensitivity among the so called civilized brutes.

Here I am talking about "the notion people often have"

Most of the people judge others just on the basis of how they look or their dress up or from where they come from or whether they speak good english or not......and thats so ridiculous.....because if that is the criteria..... most of the parents of our generation's crowd will surly fail....

I had an upbringing in a trilingual environment of Hindi, English and Malyalam..... Since my mom is a malyalee who couldn't speak hindi in her initial days and later learned our local rajasthani dialect of village too....she has been very particular that we dont leave our earthiness and sensitivity.....I never understand how sons or daughters of those mothers who are not so modern or cant speak english become so insensitive and show their fake sophisticacy.

A good human being is a sensitive human being and this quality never relates to what you wear....

I remember in a marriage reception in my family.... People of our village,the farmers....they all were touching the feet of the bride and bride groom...and some so called sophisticated urban people of Barat were telling, " kaise kaise logo hain inke yaha"......I would say.... very true kaise kaise log hain is duniya me...jo itni choti soch rakhte hain....aur khud ko sophisticated, sensitive samajhte hain......

To me all those farmers possess the real Sophisticacy and the later can be called insensitive Gawars.